you deserve more—but they won’t give it to you

there’s a phrase we’ve all heard at some point: "you deserve more." it sounds so well-meaning, doesn’t it? like a balm to a broken heart, an acknowledgment of your worth. a reassurance that, somewhere out there, you are worthy of something better. but the problem with that phrase is that it doesn’t come with action. and action is what really matters.

when someone tells you "you deserve more," what are they really saying? they’re saying that they can’t give you what you need, that you’re too good for them, that they can’t be the person you deserve. but what they’re really doing is offering you an empty promise—because they aren’t willing to give you that "more." they aren’t willing to show up. they say you deserve it, but they don’t act like it. and that, that contradiction, is the hardest part to swallow.

i’ve heard those words. "you deserve more." and for the longest time, i believed them. i believed that maybe this person would change, that maybe, with time, things would shift. i told myself, "maybe they’ll come around. maybe they’ll see what i’m worth." but the more i heard those words, the more i realized how hollow they were. i kept hoping. i kept waiting. i kept forgiving the same mistakes, the same excuses, the same inability to step up. i told myself it was okay—that love wasn’t perfect, that we all had our flaws. but the truth is, when someone says you deserve more and doesn’t give it to you, it’s not love anymore. it’s just words. and words without actions are nothing but empty air.

it’s painful to hear those words. they feel like a slight, a whisper that they can’t meet your needs. you deserve more. so why can’t they give it to you? why can’t they love you in the way you need? why can’t they show up for you the way you show up for them? it’s not a question that can be answered with kindness or understanding. it’s a question that hurts deep in your chest.

you begin to wonder if you're asking too much. you start questioning yourself, your worth, your needs. maybe you’ve been too demanding. maybe your expectations are unrealistic. but here’s the thing: your expectations are not unrealistic. you deserve to be loved fully. you deserve to be seen, heard, and valued. you deserve someone who doesn’t just say, "you deserve more," but who proves it every single day. you deserve someone who doesn’t make excuses, who doesn’t offer empty words but instead shows you, through their actions, that they recognize your value.

the thing about "you deserve more" is that it’s both a kindness and a cruelty. it’s a kindness in the sense that it acknowledges your worth, but it’s a cruelty because it doesn’t come with the follow-through. it’s a reminder that you’re waiting for something that may never come. it’s a subtle form of emotional manipulation, where someone tells you that you deserve better—but instead of taking action to give it to you, they hold it out like a carrot on a string, out of reach.

and for a long time, i stayed. i stayed in that place of uncertainty, hoping things would change. i waited for that moment when they’d finally give me what i needed. but the more i waited, the more i realized i was only wasting my time. i wasn’t getting any closer to the love and respect i deserved. instead, i was losing pieces of myself—pieces of my heart, pieces of my trust, pieces of my belief in my own worth.

there comes a point when you realize that you can’t keep waiting for someone to give you more if they’ve already shown you they can’t. there comes a point when you have to stop hoping for change and start accepting the reality that the love you want isn’t going to come from that person. and that realization, as painful as it is, is the one that finally wakes you up. it makes you see that you have to stop waiting and start giving it to yourself.

it’s not an easy realization. in fact, it’s one of the hardest things i’ve ever had to face. but once you see it, you can’t unsee it. you realize that you’re worth so much more than empty promises and unfulfilled words. you realize that you don’t need anyone to tell you what you deserve—you already know. and you also realize that you can’t keep giving to someone who can’t give to you in return.

the truth is, you deserve more. you deserve the kind of love that doesn’t need to be reminded of your worth. you deserve someone who sees you and loves you and chooses you every single day. and if someone can’t do that for you, if all they can do is offer you words without action, then maybe it’s time to let go of those words. because words are easy. actions are hard.

and so, i’ve learned that sometimes, the most painful decision is to stop waiting for more from someone who isn’t willing to give it to you. but it’s also the most freeing decision. it’s the decision that allows you to start giving more to yourself, to stop looking outside for validation and start finding it within. it’s the decision that says, i am enough. and i am worthy of more than just words.

so, to anyone who has been told "you deserve more" by someone who couldn’t or wouldn’t act on it: don’t wait for them to change. don’t let those words keep you stuck in a cycle of longing and disappointment. you are deserving of everything you need. and you don’t have to wait for someone else to give it to you. you can give it to yourself.

you are worth more than empty promises. you are worth more than words without action. you are worth more, and you can give that more to yourself.